The abuse I experienced at the hands of that organization had a lot to do with it, but otherwise, after studying astrophysics and cosmology, I have come to the conclusion that I can never know if a God exists but will not deny the possibility. There may be some things humans are not meant to comprehend as long as we think in conventional terms. Einstein also grappled with this. Granted, one can think that there must be something or someone who has created all that we see, but we may not be able to understand exactly what or who that is.