First off, why am I bringing this up? Because the healthcare industry as a whole, in my mind, has turned into solely a money making entity and nothing more. Probably has been for years, but my eyes have been opened fully. Health 'care'? BS. They are all sold out with Big Pharma. For the record, I was completely understanding that hospice care is there to see you to the end, and not to cure you. Totally get that. What I didn't know (until I saw it first hand) is that they also expedite the dying process (at least in this case). Let me explain. My mother-in-law, age 85, came to live with us back in mid-April. She was weak from cancer (refused any treatments, however), and also suffered from a weak heart. The doctor had given her 3-9 months. Little did they know I gave her regular doses of ivermectin and when she moved in with us it was month 13 since the death sentence announced by her oncologist. To help you understand, Mary BELIEVED in the healthcare system. Took numerous other meds for high cholesterol, etc... She BELIEVED the doctors to the point that when her 9 month came about, she announced she would probably be dead by the end of the month because the doctor only gave her up to 9 months to live. Seems ridiculous, but that was her... unsuspecting, and all in. She didn't fret too much about it as a believer in Jesus, but she pretty much expected death... because the doctor said so. When she moved in, she had already been under hospice care in her own home since her death sentence. She didn't want to do the cancer treatments as this was her fourth battle with cancer in all her years and she knew what she was up against, and frankly did not want to go through that again. No one blamed her. This cancer was one they could not operate on (she'd had both breasts removed 15 years ago). This was a small tumor they found in a precarious spot in her esophagus. So, they told her she would gradually likely choke to death, be slowly unable to eat as the tumor would spread and grow. My personal opinion is that when she moved in she was a bit weak, but actually doing quite well. Like I said, she was regularly taking ivermectin. I doubt she even had cancer at this point. Until she moved in she wasn't eating right. She thought she was on death's door, so she would eat anything and everything she wanted... but it mostly consisted on junk food. With us, however, she got good meals; and she ate well! (Not like someone dying for sure!) So, you are probably wondering why I think hospice expedited her death, and had us help her. Here's what happened... When she moved in, she was set up with another hospice as we lived in another state and had to transfer her care. Let me tell you... these people are truly great, lovely, kind people. Social workers, nurses, doctors, etc.. all came to meet her and get to know her on a weekly basis. She signed her DNR like a good girl, and agreed to their protocol. A month or so after moving in, she had her first UTI (she liked the idea of not having to get up constantly to go to the bathroom, so she had a catheter put in.) It was myself and my adult daughter that first noticed the blood in the urine bag. Plus Mary was acting a little off mentally (common symptom of elderly with UTI) We contacted hospice. A nurse came by to get a urine sample to be tested. It would take TWO WEEKS to get the sample back and start her on antibiotics. TWO WEEKS! So, in the meantime, she was in pain due to the UTI. Hospice (doctor) decided this was a good time to start her on MORPHINE. I felt this was a bit overkill for a UTI, so I called to see why they would put her on morphine.. why not just give her tylenol or ibuprofen. Nope... morphine is the drug of choice for pain. Well, my husband was on board with my opinion for this and we refused at that time for any morphine, and within 3 days of starting the antibiotics for the UTI, she was back to her old self and actually gaining strength and looking good. She was helping out with laundry and cooking! However...next, she fell....hard. She fell in the presence of two nurses visiting that day (not sure how that happened, but it did). I don't blame the nurses for her fall, but seemed weird. Anyway, now she's in pain again... and rightfully so. Badly bruised tailbone. Thankfully nothing broken. What does hospice do? Time to start the morphine! And that was the beginning of the end.
So, what's the 'problem' with morphine? Two things... highly addictive and causes constipation like no ones business. So now, when she needs to go, it's often a false alarm and then also, another trip to the bathroom which she needs help to get to (with walker) as it also causes extreme weakness. We ended up getting a commode for her room to help with that, but it was still a daily struggle.
Jump ahead a couple of months... she never got off the morphine AND hospice increased the dosage continually, and the constipation remains a daily struggle in spite of how much water she drank. I tried to reason with her that she should stop taking the morphine but I was now dealing with a drug addict, and I don't have POA, only my hubby who will do whatever mom asks.
Let me tell you what else morphine does to a body... it slows everything down. It also decreases your hunger. Mary was back to not eating well. She spoke constantly only of dying, brainwashed, in my opinion, but also depressed now. She had difficulty getting up to the commode and it was hard on all of us. In all our opinions it was time for permanent bedrest. No more getting up. If she goes, we'll change the adult diaper.
Well, Mary never once went in that diaper. Once put in her bed permanently her pain increased so they upped her morphine, to HOURLY doses. Not kidding. This is where I felt like Kevorkian. What the hell? Hourly? (My husband -bless his heart- slept in the room with her to make sure she got her morphine as he didn't want his mom in any pain. FYI-he's also ALL IN on any doctors care and opinions... I pretty much had no say in this). She died 5 days later as she was never awake enough to eat or drink... kidneys shut down, everything slows down and eventually even the breathing stops. Seemed so unnecessary to me. To me, until the morphine was introduced she would have had several more months (even years?) with us. But hospice isn't designed for that. I have to wonder if they get a big pay day when someone dies... like the hospitals when they killed the covid patients with ventilators. I know... I'm just a conspiracy theorist, right?
I'm in a situation with my father that people wouldn't believe. He is 87 yo and has Parkinsons. He has care M-F til 3pm and on weekends till noon. We are working on getting care for the 6-10pm period. It is very hard to get him care because he is rural and no one wants to drive out to his house. Dad is very out going and we get him out to play euchere in two different community places twice a week.
Dad spends his morning dozing in his chair. Even when we wake him, his Parkinsons has control and he can't move. Problem is after he gets moving and the care givers leave, he gets into all kinds of stuff that he is too old to do and gets hurt. He is on blood thinners and we can't get him to stop climbing ladders and stairs. He digs at the drywall in his kitchen (we have fixed the dry wall 3 times professionally and "its not right") He uses his pocket knife to dig at the countertops and cupboards. The door in the kitchen is a disaster from his digging. Frankly, we are okay with the destruction he wroughts in the house because it keeps him occupied in view of the cameras and safe. We have resigned ourselves that it will just have to be remodeled after he is gone. However, he won't take his meds (even if he hears the alarm on his watch - he just ignores it), and he skips meals left for him because he is "busy". This behavior screws up the next morning for obvious reasons.
He goes outside after dark and drives the "lake living" neighbors nuts. I've lost track of the number of times the cops have been called on him. Once, last fall, he was driving his side by with an open beer, a loaded gun in the cab and so impacted by the "come and go" of his Parkinsons symptoms he couldn't keep it in his lane. He got pulled over with a warning because they dont want to deal with him.
He has put his push lawn mower in the lake (brother mows but its "not right") banged on ice on his drive for hours (he refuses to use salt), bangs with a hammer on a boat that has a small dent, works on his garden (another thing he can't get in trouble with) after dark, in the rain (except these two). Gets stuck outside and gotten lost in the middle of the night because he wanted to go to the local bar who promised a free dinner. They were closed. Uses his diaper with out changing (he can) from the time the care giver leaves until they arrive the next day. He scrounges the neighborhood and brings home other peoples junk with ideas to repurpose (he has money but has lived for more his entire life). He thinks he can still hunt safely and still wants to go fishing in a boat or on ice. Even bank fishing he shouldn't be alone. We have taken him out to do these things for years but its no longer safe for him. He wants to run the chain saw on a piece of property he has. And don't get him on a sales call! He asks multiple people a month to give him estimate prices on this or that. Because he doesn't believe what things cost.
We have taken away most tools, don't let him drive, we have cameras up in the living area of his home, we have him on a gizmo watch to track him and he wears a "I've fallen and can't get up" unit around his neck.
Despite all these safety elements, he has to be taken to the hospital multiple times a month for scans to detect blood clots or a brain bleed. He ends up bruised and cut up from multiple falls daily.
My brother and I have no way of controlling his behavior and can't stop his getting hurt. Dad is sneaky, obstinate, and belligerent. In his mind he can do anything he wants. He is up most nights until between 1-3:00am. We (5 of us - 4 of us are disabled) watching every camera alert still can't get him calmed down. Most often one of us have to go get him inside for the night. My brother is resigned and figures Dad will die alone from some accident. I live an hour away. Im an anxiety ridden bitch about the whole thing. Brother won't consider an assisted care home because we know they will drug Dad for control. He is also scared Dad would commit suicide if we put him in. I'm at a loss.
We need help and can't find it! What do people do? Sad thing is I want to spend good times with my Dad and with his out of control demands, Im angry and am looking forward to being free of the stress. I writing this on a hospice discussion as I gaze upon the image of Dads injury of the day because I want you to know there are worse ways to die and sometimes no matter what we do we can't prevent our love ones from aging and the issues related to aging just suck! As boomers head into this situation you can expect to see this type of situation more often. I wonder what their kids will do. Will what we see as killings in hospice, become desired and openly planned? Kavorkin started it and believe people are buying into mercy killings already scares me. How do we provide safe and loving freedom to our parents as they move into this stage? I think this needs to be discussed.