I'm going to offer a different take than others here.
One, I don't think you should consider the two of them to have entirely the same problems. Getting high is probably your son's largest problem. While some people can function through that, a lot of people cannot. If he's not sober, you're probably not making any progress. And it is certainly not a trait that builds a strong man. Beyond that, he sounds like a young man seeking purpose. Which is the one thing your children seem to have in common.
Your daughter sounds like she bought into the lie that living life like a man can be fulfilling for a woman. For the most part, that's not true. And now she's trying to find a foundation to build up a radically different worldview. But is getting ideas from social media, which is basically condensed insanity. This may sound really sexist and misogynistic, but more than anything it sounds like she just needs a good man to be her foundation. She was smart enough to figure out that the life she was sold sucks, but doesn't seem to understand the next step and is searching. And probably not even willing to entertain the old fashioned idea of a traditional relationship as a foundation.
I would support the searching and try to guide it in subtle ways, while drawing a hard line only on toxic behaviors (like substance abuse). They both lack a foundation, and are using you as that. Leverage it to help them build their own.
I'm going to offer a different take than others here.
One, I don't think you should consider the two of them to have entirely the same problems. Getting high is probably your son's largest problem. While some people can function through that, a lot of people cannot. If he's not sober, you're probably not making any progress. And it is certainly not a trait that builds a strong man. Beyond that, he sounds like a young man seeking purpose. Which is the one thing your children seem to have in common.
Your daughter sounds like she bought into the lie that living life like a man can be fulfilling for a woman. For the most part, that's not true. And now she's trying to find a foundation to build up a radically different worldview. But is getting ideas from social media, which is basically condensed insanity. This may sound really sexist and misogynistic, but more than anything it sounds like she just needs a good man to be her foundation. She was smart enough to figure out that the life she was sold sucks, but doesn't seem to understand the next step and is searching. And probably not even willing to entertain the old fashioned idea of a traditional relationship as a foundation.
I would support the searching and try to guide it in subtle ways, while drawing a hard line only on toxic behaviors (like substance abuse). They both lack a foundation, and are using you as that. Leverage it to help them build their own.