If I lived in a different century I would have been a monk. I don't like life. Or rather, I don't like the kind of life I'm expected to have. Life itself is beautiful, but I hate that I have to experience it as a human being bogged down with all sorts of irrelevant responsibilities and obligations. It feels like 90% of life is just being distracted from the greater parts of existence.

I don't really care about being successful or advancing my ego. Life is too short and too temporary to get any satisfaction from that. What I want is to just be. Part of me feels attracted to death for that reason. "Duty is heavier than a mountain; death is lighter than a feather." It's something that crosses my mind a lot. Not out of depression or desperation, but out of a desire for peace.

I feel the presence of God in those quiet moments that could have been experienced in any time. Walking through a forest, watching the sunrise at the beach, gazing at the moon and stars. I just want to be at peace. I have a very good life and have been blessed with many things. But the only thing I really want is peace.