No worries fren. I am here if you ever need someone to be an asshole to..I will gladly be that person if you need it. I understand the struggle you feel. I strongly encourage you to pray. If you want we can do it together. Pick a time each day and I will gladly stop what I'm doing and say a prayer in the spirit with you. If not I understand. I then would encourage you to pick a set time each day and just say God...and then share what's on your heart no matter what it is. God loves you more than you can ever know and he wants to show you something so great and so beautiful and so pure. You will be in my prayers fren