Absolutely you can 100% question God. I have nothing but respect for those that truly seek the truth. It was not my intention to say you can't question God..was more just seeing if you were genuinely looking for answers or more just using God as a crutch for your own pain and sorrow. It sounds like you are genuinely seeks so I appreciate you sharing your heart fren.

God is the creator of life. He gave us free will but also gives us direction from within of how to serve him, or we can choose to walk our own way. Man chose to walk there own way. The price for that is death. All men choose to walk there own way so technically God doesn't have to give anyone life. However he is also full of grace and allows us many opportunities to turn back to him. He knows our true hearts though and knows if we will.

God is the ultimate authority and author of life. When we disobey authority on earth it is not the same as disobey God. Cause God is a loving and just God that desires mercy and love but also is the issuer of justice and vengeance.

I just wanna say these questions you are asking are beautiful and I hope you will continue to wrestle with them. The psalms are great for moments like this because many of them are lamenting word, basically words of doubting God or just being angry with him. Keep wrestling with this in prayer though fren. I love you and hope the best for you and know that if you continue down this path with a humble seeking heart, that our God will find you and show you something truly beautiful. God bless