Oh, U.S. Federal Reserve Bank posts first loss in its hundred year history???

Which technically it SHOULD NEVER be able to do, since it violates the very charter that brought it into existence in the first place???

But Dom! Sort of ALREADY DID THAT when they went into the supply side back in those grand ol' Bernanke times?

I know, I know -- but, I dunno man, back then it was just a lickle bit o' harmless TARP, an' the life giving waters of QUANTITATIVE EASING, babe!

We were SO THIRSTY for that liquidity! How could just a sip or two be a sin??!? Ye could smell da fresh cut grass, ye could, from da green shoots sproutin' up! Where's the moral hazard in that??

Well, s'pose reminiscing won't help our latest kerfuffle. So! How will our valiant heroes save the day this time? What intrepid means might they use to balance this inequality???

::computer voice chimes::

"Thank you for banking with FedNow."

Yep! 200 million or so new depositors on the Assets side ought to shore this right up!

The composition of course will be the 80% of Americans in the "serf" class, so it will be necessary to aggregate them/us, to get that full punch in the purchasing power.

Meaning it will likely be one of those "totally optional, but life could be a bummer if you say no!" type of er, 'choices' (heavy finger quotes on the last word there 🤣 )

Think of it as another vaccine, this time for your financial health! (Sort of like how an enema can also be thought of as a cleansing 🙃)

So to complete this strange cryptograph of language that my perfectly standard & well balanced brain has assembled, I'm going to sort of play out a little scenario. A story to explain what's happening to us in our economic lives here in America, I guess.

I can't really explain WHY I dreamt this up, or even if it relates well, but... I don't know, damnit, it just seems to be caught in my head.

Finance and economics are sometimes best explained with little stories like these... imagined and retold by much more talented and intelligent folks than me, of course.

Maybe it will be enjoyable or insightful to you... I'm not very hopeful... okay, just get on with it already! 😑🤣

Imagine perhaps your personal chef (we all have one, right?) or a beloved family member, maybe even Mom or Dad, speaking here, and we're seated at the table, utensils in hand, napkin tucked, smiling happily after a hard day's work:

So it goes like this:

Hey guys, we made your favorite stew, and I know you're getting hungry, but actually we kind of made a LITTLE too much and the whole pantry is 86'd (restaurant joke) and so.... we're going to need to use YOU for ingredients now.

Just hang on and think for a second, ok!? You see... it was ALWAYS going to be YOUR stew...it was made JUST for you after all, so if you think about it, wasn't this kind of like, inevitable?! Heh! I mean, eating the food, BEING the food, is there really a BIG difference when push comes to shove? It was always going to be yours, remember! So jump on in there! Awesome! Great! Ok! Just gonna put the lid back on and simmer now!

Hey, be back in 5! You're doin' great! 🤣

And then, at some point before we become a collective of boiled potatoes, we realize tragically that we will not be dining on the gulash we have now become one with, and the clever chef won't be returning from his cigarette break.

And so I leave you with this final rumination on our tenuous little playhouse story:

The cooks never get boiled.

Thanks for coming along this crazy swan boat ride with me. Godspeed!