Guys ...
I'm at the point now where I just don't even want to be living anymore. I either want to just die or check myself into a psych ward.
Every single day we are under spiritual warfare. There is an argument about SOMETHING that creates a massive amount of tension. Things are taken out of context constantly. Conversations are not normal - any conversation, words are pulled and those words are debated rather than the full statement of the conversation.
Today's argument was that my youngest daughter took my 20 year old daughter's coloring book and colored a fucking page in it. My wife was telling me how "terrible" this is because our youngest needs to understand boundaries and know that it's "not her property" and respect her older sister's things. I really didn't think it was that big of a fucking deal. The kid wanted to color a page. Cool. She's being creative. Turns into this whole fucking thing where my youngest is screaming and crying and my wife is screaming at her that she needs to "BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS!" and then my oldest yelling alongside it and I'm trying to break everything up. Then when I try to do so I'm "undermining and not backing it up." I've told my youngest that she does need to respect other peoples things and not take things without asking, that its not right, and that she wouldnt like if someone did that to her things. But it honestly feels stupid to even have this conversation. I discipline her just fine and she's a good girl. She just wants to be a damn kid. I've tried to have the conversation of not creating mountains out of ant hills with my wife. Doesn't matter, in fact it makes things worse, with things like "I'M NOT GOING TO DISMISS HER BEHAVIOR!". This is just ONE example of hundreds. I deal with insane shit like this on the freaking daily.
Hours later, she knocks on her door (per Mom's request) to tell her that dinner is ready, to which she screams at her and tells her "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" which leaves her crying again. I tell her this is not acceptable behavior, that she was sent to tell her FOOD WAS READY and she's a messenger.
But then it's "I'm taking her side!" Then wife agrees that oldest shouldnt have acted that way in that specific moment. Yet then they decide to go watch a dating show together for three hours and laugh and act like nothing even happened - send our youngest to bed, if I say anything about it I'm 'undermining', and they get to enjoy laughing hysterically at some stupid materialistic bullshit tv show all the while hurting my daughter's feelings and destabilizing her emotions.
I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind. I really, really do. I have no outlets. I have no money to leave. I really feel like every day I am living in an actual nightmare. And I mean that in a non cliched way. I feel like I'm literally dreaming a nightmare and everyone has failed to wake me up.
I'll give another example: My wife does dog sitting. She watched this one dog and agreed to accepted cash app for payments. So we've watched him a few times. The most recent time, she was not paid. We're struggling with finances. The balance owed is $500. She literally said to me "WHAT SHOULD I DO IN THIS SITUATION." I gave my advice. She decided, since they've booked with us in the past, and that they're nice people, she wasn't going to contact them and ask for payment. I told her she needs to reach out and ask nicely if perhaps they forgot or something, maybe like "Hey I know you guys have a lot going on but I wanted to let you know I didnt receive payment yet." She straight up freaked out on me about this - that her decision was her decision and why was I not respecting her decision to not reach out to them. I'm like uh ... because they didn't pay you ... for your services ... and we need to pay our bills ... like ... what? "THIS IS HOW I FEEL. THEY ARE GOOD PEOPLE, THEY ARE NOT TRYING TO SCREW US. I TOLD YOU I DONT FEEL COMFORTABLE ASKING THEM FOR IT, WHY CANT YOU RESPECT THAT?!" then created an entire argument around this. Like ... an argument with me .. about not getting paid from a client ... and me suggesting she get paid. It literally makes zero freaking sense. I cannot reason with her. Whatsoever. Nothing is within any type of rational thinking.
I really am at the point where I just want to end life. I just have this tiny, tiny sliver left that is saying "that's Satan, kick him out."
I don't know how much more of this I can do. I really dont, yall. I don't know. I cannot afford to leave. I have like $500. I'm really at the point where I'm thinking that this has been the end of my life for a long time and I've not realized it - that it's just time to end life. I'm clinging on because of my kids. That's it. But if I'm going to be pitted against them and everyone, then what even is the purpose. Why am I here. I wake up every day to go to work and just pray to God for his strength because I can't muster an ounce of energy. I am at the point where I'm quite sincerely going to have a mental breakdown.
Add on top if it I have my mother who is a complete narcissist texting me and telling me how hurt she is that I only come visit a few times a month and how wrong that is of me and how I should be over there at least a few times per week. And how she never feels good - then I suggest some things - then those things aren't good enough - it's just non freaking stop. Then telling me that she's going to die soon and why am I not doing more for her.
This entire planet is trying to drain every ounce of energy I have. I wish I could just go get my own little apartment somewhere with my daughter. Just can't afford to do so, and I'm working two jobs. The time that I have off is just filled with arguments and anger. I have no peace and no downtime to myself.
Someone please help me. Please.
Do not allow your bitch wife to upset you. I was engaged to a girl just like this. This is what you do.
Foot down. Oh she will kick she will scream but this is your house and if she wants to make an issue and have a divorce over it that's cool BUT YOU ARE NOT LEAVING YOU ARE MARRIED THAT IS YOUR HOUSE.
Don't worry about legal anything. Because the woman is just talking shit she has nothing to back it up with just ignore her and operate with the same bliss they ignore your youngest with. If they ignore her go out somewhere with her idk.
Show genuine boredom in your fights and refuse to engage with it, act as if what she is doing is incredibly dull to you.
Start acting exactly how the fk you want. Acting how she wants will never fix anything. She will only take take take. I was engaged to one of those for a long time. All you can do is put your foot down.
Don't cry don't say you wanna kill yourself none of that you are fine.
Set up Uber Eats, Doordash, and Instacart. If you unlock all 3 you never need a job I drive a 2024 and only drive for one service.
DM me if you need help.
Stop taking her so seriously all the damn time.
She knows what she is doing and takes pleasure in it.
Start listening to Stellar.
Yep. We call this “The Office Space Ultimatum”. Ha.
100%. Will start working on not feeding it and acting dull about things. I agree that giving my energy to it really gives it the power and definitely think she enjoys the drama. I do have doordash and uber and I drive occasionally. It's not super busy in my area so the most I typically make is like $100 if I'm out all day. Unless its spring break, then it's slammed. but never consistent unfortunately
Definitely do not engage when she is acting irrational and stupid. Fighting back does not work. You have to have your boundaries and stick to them. I've learned this while dealing with many gfs in the past. You react to their bull shit they will continue and walk all over you. They actually respect you more when you stand your ground and don't react to their emotional nonsense. SOMETIMES it's even a test, they do it unconsciously because they have survival instincts that need assurance that you are a strong man and can not be pushed around.
I've felt like a lot of it has been the shit test, for sure. She just randomly told me the other day, completely out of the blue, that she is going into the military. After much discussion, the next day she says she changed her mind. Think I'm just being constantly psychologically tortured, manipulated, and extorted. All of my emotions, all the time. I had ONE DAY off of work which was Friday. Ive not taken a day off in over a year. Literally (outside of the weekend). She knows this. I had this day planned for the last few months and was really looking forward to just sleeping in and watching some tv. Instead, Friday was filled with the most drama I've seen in the last several months and constant arguments and constant drain. Now it's back to work tomorrow as I have to work holidays. Ridiculously selfish and intentional.
Are you willing to make a promise to goto the gym, or even just lift heavy things you have around the house? Can you make me that promise that you will do it starting tomorrow?
Lifting doesn't solve all problems. But right now we need to get you into a better headspace, which lifting heavy weight accomplishes.
For motivation start searching forums online for success stories on people who started lifting weight.
Time to start making time for YOU. You need to get your ass in the gym. If it's hard to start for you, just go there with the intention of doing 5 minutes of weights. Please do this.
Edit: Notice I didn't address anything about the shit you just said?
All that shit is not helpful to think about. It's noise. Focus on solutions brother. YOU GOT THIS.
Good advice!
You have to recognize the peak busy hours and the richest neighborhoods and drive accordingly. You only really need Uber Eats. Do not do uber x
I turned off X and do XL and eats only. Works out okay, except the majority of them I am forced to contemplate my existence because I usually I have six 21 year old wasted drunk girls in the car as we drive 20 minutes to the next bar. And they always play a 100 question game where I get interrogated the entire time by the upfront passenger OR they're all screaming at each other; have had a few that puked in the car. Fun times. I hate this city. Very rarely I get an older couple who is going to dinner together and my God the drives are so pleasant and peaceful. I wish I could replicate them.
Every city is good for 100 a day which is all you need to live however in places like Atlanta 350 is achievable on Fridays and saturdays. If you work at night you make a lot more but it's not worth the sacrifice usually. The flexibility you have is golden doing this. Make money on vacation type shit, go to the beach for three months type shit.