it's my honour. I've been a very lonely person, I have very few people to share this sort of stuff with.

If anything I have said resonates with the truth you know in your heart and strengthens your faith, that would fill me such happiness and gratitude.

Me posting here is as much for my own benefit as for the benefit of others.

It's all of us, in this together.

I want to point out one more thing because I think it's interesting. Others may see what I have written here and assume I am advocating for some 'new age' spiritual woo woo, and if it comes across that way, I'm truly sorry. I'm not trying to reinterpret anything or pass it off as my own work or some 'new' teaching

Others might also see in my words a 'messiah' complex, like the crazy people that begin to claim that they are God or the 'second coming of Jesus' I'm not claiming this at all and to do so is exceedingly dangerous. I have had these 'ideas' before as part of the 'existential terror' that I experienced

I figure that there is a way to resolve this 'paradox' or messiah complex, it is like this, If it were the case that a person claims to be Christ, through their 'fruits' you would know them. Are their words and actions 'Christ like'? Do they produce 'good fruit' and ease the suffering of others? Jesus was a great and skilful teacher. Through his words and actions many were saved or 'awakened' to a spiritual truth. Are my words and actions Christ like? No. My words are pretty bad, I'm not a good teacher, i'd be surprised if anyone could read anything I have written and be awakened by it. I am selfish and full of fear. I have phobias, attachments, pride, etc If you were to see me in real life you would just see an awkward, fearful person with no real accomplishments, that doesn't have their life together in a way that others could follow as an example.

I am working on it, as we all are

I will never be perfect, as none of us will be in this lifetime, so to speak

Is there something more then? beyond this lifetime where we might attain 'Christ-like' status? It's not helpful to think about, It is counter productive, because then there is a reason to 'put off' being the light you CAN be in this lifetime. It is procrastination. It is also taking on a burden of the 'messiah complex' and that leads to the existential fear and suffering I described. That is too much for me, it is an impossibility. And yet, Jesus lived, as I believe others have lived, awakened beings. If it were not possible (miraculously?) there would only exist endless suffering with no potential for it to be alleviated or extinguished.

I have simply felt what it feels like to have it extinguished, at least partially.