SO SORRY! It is, indeed the worst business, and yes the husband IS caught in the middle, causing him no little discomfort [understatement]; but Mom always is first.

Since you get this situation, I'll explain a bit of the other avenue which greatly helped me resolve the conflict when spouse-anon would get angry or judgemental with me about "his mother". [He never calls her mom, it is always "my mother" which seems to me a bit formal . . . ]

Well, there are no coincidences. I was reading old National Geographics before getting rid of them. July 2011 had a description of native potatoes of Peru and Bolivia. One was called "Makes the Daughter-in-law Cry". OH MY, I thought, there is a reason this potato has this name! and it speaks of the MIL son DIL conflicts!

So I did some searches. Don't remember the links, but there is lots of info and easy to find. Bottom line: the prospective bride had to peel this bumpy potato with lots of eyes with a knife in an unbroken strip to prove she was worthy of marrying the son!

OH MY! Once I read about it, this potato peeling explained in a nutshell the disordered relationship between son and mother which allows them to harm and torture the DIL!! It became clear as day to me!

My response: "I am not going to peel your stupid potatoes!" [I always cook potatoes in the skin anyway.]

IOW I am not part of their game, where the son and his mother get to torture the DIL!

I am NOT peeling their stupid potatoes! HA! Well this has helped me greatly.

HOPING for your guys' healings!!! Thanks fren!