Similar story:

I've always been a hybrid heathen christian, a zen gnostic, a general religious renegade. Methodist sunday school with my grandmother gave me the foundation as a kid and being 'saved' at a Baptist church with a friend, and spent lots of time in those pagan shops, festivals, and books in my teens and 20s.

I see truth and God in many places (this is God's creation afterall) so I've never much minded the crossover. It works for me and I'm well read in both scripture, greek classics, and ancient myths so I love discussing it. Tbh, I've never much liked most "pagans" (the woo woo new age kind) nor most "christians" (the because pastor said so types), I just see truth in ancient texts and in rituals of the present moment. Different languages for the same reality/deity. I believe in God, as I tell folks, but not necessarily what man says about God.

But along with you, Q's disturbing revelations about the death and sex cults of the cabal set me back on my heels and I've questioned not so much my own beliefs (garnered from the ancients) but definitely how I raise my kids. A godly grounding is imperative for us all in this world, regardless of the questions you may wrestle with later on.

I think the same evil that infected the church (vatican etc) infected other belief systems and ultimately drove unwary and unscrupulous people (natural searchers and seekers perhaps) into these cults.

I have started telling my kids stories on sundays from the bible and other inspired texts, until we can find a sunday church service we vibe with. So they have a foundation in faith.

I think all of us are rethinking our beliefs, practices, and associations since the institutions we thought we could trust are so rotten. It doesn't mean we need to throw out our own truths and loved experiences, just that we have to rethink where we get our truth.

God is real. God is goodness. God is Being itself. Everything else is just details.

Godspeed, fren. Namaste. Blessed be. We're all just walking each other HOME.