My contribution to the next campfire sing-a-long
(media.greatawakening.win)
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It doesn’t, because it doesn’t rhyme and there’s an uneven number of syllables on each line, so the meter is going to be wrong.
It’s also not hard to say the words “go through” with a pause. That’s a silly excuse
Sure, you can say it if you have to think about it.
The point is it should flow without having to think about it.
Right and the version you wrote doesn’t flow or rhyme. The rhyme structure of this is AABBA, meaning the third and fourth lines have to rhyme.
“Through,” or “go through,” doesn’t rhyme with “dildo.”
“Will go” does.
You also have an awkward number of syllables (15) that makes the flow stutter on the line change
Also if you have to think that hard about not saying “go through” without a pause then I think you might need to go back to school…
Actually, you are the one needing to go back to school, since you have trouble putting commas in the right place.
Then look at the lyrics of many songs, and try to understand rhyme is not as important as flow.
Look at the lyrics posted by OP, and the one posted by the comment you “corrected”
In all instances, you have the rhyme structure AABBA, and constituent meter. All 6 verses. It’s a children’s rhyme and fits with the structure of the original.
Yours does not. It’s doesn’t rhyme, it doesn’t have the same meter. Let it go. Everyone else here has pointed out the inconsistencies with yours politely and you’ve ignored them. Say it out loud if it helps.