I got really depressed and angry, at everything I went in looking for hidden knowledge and secrets about the universe and then eventually started wishing bad things about people and doing rituals and all that, I never killed anything though, I never wanted the secrets that bad but I did live out my entire life through symbolism and do everything with a meaning, there’s the order of the nine angles, the hermetic order of the golden dawn, and people like me who were just super anarchistic. Eventually I saw the light and followed it and I’m not a Christian for sure but I do believe very strongly in a higher being, and I sincerely apologized to him. There’s a lot more to the story but everything else is between me and God, and now I’m fighting on his side forever