I know how you feel and I have been feeling the same way. I have felt very isolated and have felt isolated and in a holding pattern. Then, five weeks ago i found out that i have cancer. I honestly felt that maybe this was my time and if Jesus wanted to take me home I was ready. I prayed that whatever his will is, I will trust it. But if I do live, I need Him to give me something to live for, not this dystopia.

Since the time that i have found out about my cancer, I have had so much support and care and love from people around me and attention that I haven't had in a long time. This cancer has been a blessing because it's been a long time of seeing only the worst in humanity to finally see the better side of it, and get inundated in it when i needed it most. The cancer is nothing, so far, compared to the emotional heartache that I, that we, have experienced these recent years. I believe God is showing me that He is still in this and people do still care at the core. I have no choice but to keep walking and trusting Him. I pray that you are able to do the same. Just keep holding on until we see the victory. Take it one day at a time. He always shows up in the midnight hour.