I appreciate the rhetoric, but to answer your question:

I find the best way to determine if you have COVID is to flip a coin. Heads you have COVID, tails you don't.

I imagine if you get heads (COVID positive) you can do a follow up couple flips to determine which variant you have. For example:

Two heads: Alpha

Heads + tails: Delta

Two tails: Omicron

This may seem silly, but its actually more likely to be right than the PCR test.