The Democratic Party Christmas Carol (with some last-minute tweaking by some well-fed Rhinoceroses at the National Zoo)

Fill the empty malls with commies, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Jab the kids and scold their mommies, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Clothe them all in gay apparel, Fa la la, la la la, la la la. Dump the turkeys in a barrel, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

See the prices rise before us, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Watch the stupid shows that bore us, Fa la la la la, la la la la. You are not allowed to measure, Fa la la, la la la, la la la. While we steal your country’s treasure, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Fast away the dollar passes, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Soon we’ll own all of your asses, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Look ye joyous on your tether, Fa la la, la la la, la la la. To the dirt you’ll go together, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

A Patriot’s Christmas Carol (with no help from ‘chrome-addled Hollywood song writers)

Clear the halls of evil commies, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Give the kids their dads and mommies, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Throw away their gay apparel, Fa la la, la la la, la la la. Flush the jab that makes them sterile, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Hear the patriotic chorus, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Lift the ones who go before us, Fa la la la la, la la la la. More than we can ever measure, Fa la la, la la la, la la la. Children are our nation’s treasure, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Fast the lusty old guard passes, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Into jail we’ll throw their asses, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Dawn is coming, bright as ever, Fa la la, la la la, la la la. While we stand as one together, Fa la la la la, la la la la.