My fave involves a cruise ship stuck on a sandbar surrounded by sharks, just out of port and a minister, an athlete, a politician all jump in to swim to the Port Master's office and the sharks ate all of them; a lawyer gets up and says I'll be right back and sure enough he came back on the tugboat and everybody was amazed and asked how did you do this??? "well, a shark pulled me up to the dock as a professional courtesy"...

Here's one of my favorites because it's true on both sides:

A man is flying in a hot air balloon when he realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man in a field below. He lowers the balloon toward the man and shouts to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I am late to meet a friend, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man below says, “I’m happy to help. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude.”

After a brief pause, the balloonist declares: “You must be a lawyer.”

“I am” replies the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me I am sure is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.”

The man below responds, “Indeed. And you … You must be a client.”

“Why, yes, I am,” replies the balloonist, “how in the world did you know?”

“Well,” says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault.”