Childhood programming can be difficult to break. I know that because until I was in my mid 40s I believed that what my parents told me about me was true, except none of it was, nor ever has been. Their perceptions about me were all based on how they felt about me, not on who I am. I don't remember how it happened, but at some point I realized that even as an adult they continued to view me the way they'd defined me as a child, and that's when I realized how wrong they are about me.
I'm telling you all this to let you know that in some way I've been through what you have and to suggest you that, because what we focus on is what we get, you shift your focus away from what your mother did to what you want to be. Examine what masculinity means to you and how you want to express it, then do that.
What you say is accurate, about how some parents try to define us in ways that go against our true nature. I've been trying to break away from all that crappy childhood programming over the past couple years.
Sometimes it sort of feels like playing whack-a-mole. You think you've found and addressed all the ways those things affected you and then, lo and behold, another one rears its ugly head. Keep at it and eventually you'll find and rid yourself of all of them.
This may help you: I figured out that the ways my parents mislabeled me was all based on how my actions caused them to feel. I tended to blurt out truths they didn't want to hear/see, which isn't a bad thing, but it made them uncomfortable, so they labeled me in terms of the discomfort they felt. Realizing that helped me to understand all the mislabels, to recognize how they affected me, and to find ways out of that mess. Understanding how pathetic their behavior was helped me to let go of any angst toward them.
Childhood programming can be difficult to break. I know that because until I was in my mid 40s I believed that what my parents told me about me was true, except none of it was, nor ever has been. Their perceptions about me were all based on how they felt about me, not on who I am. I don't remember how it happened, but at some point I realized that even as an adult they continued to view me the way they'd defined me as a child, and that's when I realized how wrong they are about me.
I'm telling you all this to let you know that in some way I've been through what you have and to suggest you that, because what we focus on is what we get, you shift your focus away from what your mother did to what you want to be. Examine what masculinity means to you and how you want to express it, then do that.
What you say is accurate, about how some parents try to define us in ways that go against our true nature. I've been trying to break away from all that crappy childhood programming over the past couple years.
Sometimes it sort of feels like playing whack-a-mole. You think you've found and addressed all the ways those things affected you and then, lo and behold, another one rears its ugly head. Keep at it and eventually you'll find and rid yourself of all of them.
This may help you: I figured out that the ways my parents mislabeled me was all based on how my actions caused them to feel. I tended to blurt out truths they didn't want to hear/see, which isn't a bad thing, but it made them uncomfortable, so they labeled me in terms of the discomfort they felt. Realizing that helped me to understand all the mislabels, to recognize how they affected me, and to find ways out of that mess. Understanding how pathetic their behavior was helped me to let go of any angst toward them.