Haha!

My very based (but fairly corpulent) coworker refers to himself as "heavy cream". This is at the night job. Couldn't get away with it at the day job, our government contract is too 'woke'. I don't know that he could run very fast or far during an apocalypse, but he's a mad wizard on the tech side of things, and his skills keep everything in house and out in the filled running smooth as glass.

E'erybody need a little bit o' heavy cream!