The path through the years
Has shed the ground with dread,
It has pieced together a golden crown
That forever wipes away it's tears.
The peace thats long forgotten
Needles itself within a thread,
To the son that was begotten
When he kissed away your death.
So long and old we followed through
The dark chasms of despair,
We meek and peace we stumbled through
To find ourselves were there.
So find the snake that's decapitated
And pinned itself to the cross,
Arose from the ground consecrated
To a world that hasn't lost.
Those who were lost upon the cross
Have found themselves unbound,
To the coming death that has no rest
To the sheep the shepherd found
Thank you for replying with constructive criticism.
The first part shed the ground with dread, I wasn't going for the discarding definition, but more like blood shed, drip by drip.(Like shed the ground with blood).
The dread (terror, fear) dripping on the soil, making it a bad aspect. The contrast is that it made a crown of victory through it all.
The second part dark chasms of despair it has continuity to the dread soaked soil in that it is a large rift that people are stuck in between two ominous jagged cliffs each side with only a narrow path that we can walk upon, yet we still made it, contrastedin the next two lines.
The next point, you're right in that one Son should be capitalised, I'll change it.
And finally to the grammar, I trust the autotype to do my grammar for me. I never write the apostrophe's. I've put my poems on a website that has its own text input that doesn't correct the mistakes and I've copied and pasted it from there.
I'm not too bothered by my grammar mistakes.
Shed UPON the ground with dread... maybe, for clarity?
Your suggestion is clearer but to me 'shed the ground with dread' still has the right meaning and shorter and fits the syllabic flow better.
I would say "shed the ground with blood" over "shed UPON the ground with blood"
If it's an intentional liberty taken as part of the creative writing process then cool... but it is important because every word in a poem should be careful, deliberate and powerful. You want your audience to feel that you've crafted something with care and precision whereas grammar mistakes give the opposite impression.
You're right, it just doesn't bother me at all. I understand there are purists in that aspect of literature but I'm not one of them.
I respect people that do hold it valuable like yourself but if you heard how lazy my speech is that would be a bigger sin than missing apostrophe's.
I think poetry is sacred and needs to be respected. I support the full spectrum of artistic and creative license but poetry needs to be careful and deliberate otherwise it is just lazy and without value.
Poetry should be purified expression. There is no room for lazy.
I don't see poetry as sacred, I don't think a missing apostrophe takes away the value of what I wrote. Each to their own I guess.
The emotion or meaning isn't lost, that's what I care about.
To me poetry isn't something so pure to never let it be tarnished.
It's like the wine conosuiers that have some lofty belief and self importance about the wine they're drinking and how noble and civilized they are. Trying to outdo eachother with the finest nuances and completely make a fool out of themselves.
I find them pretentious and full of shit.
Poetry has the same middle class arseholes that I can't stand.