I know there's been some that've known about the corruption for a long, long time -- much longer than me.
But I think I still have a right to say I'm tired.
We've all been slaves our entire lives; slaves to money, food, possessions...
Slaves to things hidden to us. Hidden from us.
I'm tired. So damned tired. Tired to the point of not caring anymore.
It's one thing to give up. You give up when you think there's no more hope. That's not what I've been feeling. I've been feeling an entirely different feeling, and I can't even just call it apathy.
This is a feeling only slaves who know can feel.
I haven't given up, and I'm not about to let the slave masters win.
That said, no amount of resolve can fix what is wrong with how I feel. No encouraging words; no pats on the back; and no reassurances that the oasis is just over the next dune. I need something more substantial.
We've lost friends and family that can never be replaced; taken from us in ways we can only begin to understand.
I've felt a release of caring. I'm so tired that I cannot sleep. Consider that sensation, for a moment; being so tired your body stops automatically breathing. So tired, so exhausted, that your body hasn't the energy to drift off if only to stop it from going too far and fading away altogether.
This rambling might seem dour... because it is. We have all lost people and things we've loved. There is a feeling that extends from loss or failure, where you can't help but ask "what's the point" in going forward. "What's the point" in keeping up the fight -- a fight where you can't even see the battlefield? A fight between Powers and Principalities.
I have one word to offer; one shining light that might dispel the despair:
There are many deceptions; there is only but One Truth.
There are infinite ways one can lie about what has occurred. There are even more ways we can perceive something incorrectly and believe that which is not so. But there is only a single Truth; a single set of events which have taken hold in the world, however fleeting that Truth might be in our eyes.
Once you sense that Truth, apathy melts away. Just knowing that there is something Real in this world of ours, that it can be known despite how imperfect we are in our attempts to find it, is but a single ember that can light the bonfire of your soul.
A Hope beyond hope.
...
See the Truth in your mind, the echo it has cast in the chasm of your heart, and realize that even when hope seems gone, with everything you know seeming to be known for naught, there is always the Truth.
We may never know every meticulous detail in every single event that has transpired since before even time took hold onto space as its spouse, but we can be certain that there was, is, and always will be a Truth -- a set of events that had occurred and have led to this moment.
That Truth has led to your moment. Circumstances that have led to YOU.
You Are.
So, even if you're tired, even if you've given up, even if you no longer care; the Truth is that you Are, and Are for a reason.
Some part of you still cares enough, still has hope, and enough energy to BE.
That small whimper at your core won't let you fade away, no matter how much you want to just stop being. It's always been there, and will persist long after your body withers away to dust.
It's the seed planted by God Himself, and it lingers in spite of hopelessness. It is Love. Love of your self. Love of others. Love of life. It's what lets anything continue to Be. If the Universe did not Love itself, why then would it persist?
The Truth is the path to Love. We are all some distance away from that first Love of God, on the path of Truth. Follow the Truth and you shall find Love at the end of the road. Turn from the path, and you will lose yourself -- lost in the Forest of Deception. A hell we each craft for ourselves.
Keep fighting. Keep Loving. Don't let the Forest swallow our shared Dream -- that one day the Truth shall be known freely, to all.
God Bless.
A strong message about being tired. I hope it helps. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNZtorSDw4k