This has been an odd feeling I've been having for the past couple weeks. I feel like I was "baptized" and born again, but I can never really pinpoint when it happened. Over time I lost identity of who I was growing up, as if the lockdowns completely erased all sense of who I was. I still have memories of my younger self of course, but now they don't really feel like they're my memories. A lot of my ambitions remain the same, but I still like there's a lot missing. Think of switching from Windows to Linux and you're still struggling to learn all the features. That's how, I guess, my soul feels.
Anyone else experiencing this? Is this supposed to be a good thing?
I can sort of pinpoint the moment my eyes became open, around the Bush Kerry election I saw a web site about how both guys were Skull and Bonesman. Something sparked and I started researching for 20 more years, some seasons more than others, until the Las Vegas shooting, something didn’t add up and I’ve spent all my online free time researching since.
I wouldn’t want to be the person I was 14 months ago, when I surrendered my heart to Jesus. But my life changes have been mostly incremental, not sudden.
Unlike you I do know and remember who I was back then: maybe saved but so far from God that this world sucked so I filled it with alcohol, weed and porn.
I think the world situation and the repeated seeds of advice to get right with God being planted on this site and forums similar to this one helped get me back on track.