About half a year ago I confessed to my church community that I am struggling with SSA and posted here on GAW. From there I have been in a 12 step recovery program called Re:Generation. First I must start with I still have this attraction and that is okay, but I am no longer acting on my flesh (No longer seeking Homosexual relations/Porn). I have been searching for the root of my sin nature and have found some connections so far. I did not feel wanted/desired or understood by men in my life growing up, and was sexually abused by a male cousin. Long story short, I see that I used sex as a way to gain that want/desire and understanding from men. Which I felt Wanted/Desired when I was abused. This is a huge eye opening link to what may be what started this sin nature in me. While I have not seen a change in my attraction, like I mentioned I am no longer acting on this sin nature of mine. God is 100% capable of changing this in me, I will not deny His power. But as say to my church family walking with me, I need to first be okay with the idea that I may never be over this attraction, never have a relationship, and never have sexual "gratification" again. This may be the thorn in my side The Lord uses to remind me of where he has taken me, or the thorn may be removed and I can have children and a family that I want to have some day.
I just wanted to give an update for those who have seen my previous post on here. For those who are still active in SSA I am not judging you, I love you all and pray God reveals himself to you as He has done to me. Im not asking for you all to do what I am doing but to just get to know the Father, Son, and Spirit.
Thank you for reading this, any and all of you. Keep me in your prayers. God is great and may His will be done, not my own.
My father had the same issue and struggled even after marrying my mother and having 6 kids. He actually had an affair on my mother with his best friend. He had a lot of trauma as a child that really confused him (sexual and physical) but chose to stick with my mother…this was in the mid 80’s so different time. He died not long after in a car accident but chose his wife and kids and counseling. It wasn’t easy and I truly feel for those who struggle with it. It was a big scandal in our community but I guess the scandal would be sticking with your family in today’s world. One of my sisters (woke lefty) said years ago she wishes our father wouldn’t have died and just left us for a man and been happy. Except he wasn’t happy when he cheated on my mom. My mother was his best friend and he always wanted to be a father. I would have been upset had he abandoned us for a man as opposed to having no choice but to leave because he died. It wasn’t his fault he died. Still don’t know what her point was.
What a beautiful story of love. Your father emulated Christ like love and chose his family instead of selfish lust no matter the gender ! TY for sharing , Your father gave you a tangible photograph of the definition of love, how proud you must be !
I truly am and because of his story I have compassion for everyone who struggles with SSA. My sister says I’m “homophobic/transphobic” because I don’t agree with the lifestyle and approve of it. I don’t think it’ll truly bring joy but we all have to make our own choices and we all will sin. She thinks it’s wrong to call any of that a sin. We make mistakes, repent and try to be more Christlike which is love the sinner and not the sin. I wish I had more time with my father, I was 7 when he died, but I’m glad I know his story and I will always be proud of him for surviving his abuse and being a better person. He never laid a finger on any of his kids. It’s difficult to explain to her, she drives me crazy sometimes. I made the comment to my more lefty mom the other day (religious mom but somehow is one of the asleep people who equates dem policies with Christianity) that I’m thankful I’ll never have to face judgment for supporting abortion/murdering babies. She doesn’t “support” it but she supports those who do and won’t listen/believe the evil they are doing. She thinks it should be “safe, legal, and rare” Someday she will have the knowledge that she supported such evil and that is not something I want to have to account for. I know I will have plenty, just thankful that’s not one!