About half a year ago I confessed to my church community that I am struggling with SSA and posted here on GAW. From there I have been in a 12 step recovery program called Re:Generation. First I must start with I still have this attraction and that is okay, but I am no longer acting on my flesh (No longer seeking Homosexual relations/Porn). I have been searching for the root of my sin nature and have found some connections so far. I did not feel wanted/desired or understood by men in my life growing up, and was sexually abused by a male cousin. Long story short, I see that I used sex as a way to gain that want/desire and understanding from men. Which I felt Wanted/Desired when I was abused. This is a huge eye opening link to what may be what started this sin nature in me. While I have not seen a change in my attraction, like I mentioned I am no longer acting on this sin nature of mine. God is 100% capable of changing this in me, I will not deny His power. But as say to my church family walking with me, I need to first be okay with the idea that I may never be over this attraction, never have a relationship, and never have sexual "gratification" again. This may be the thorn in my side The Lord uses to remind me of where he has taken me, or the thorn may be removed and I can have children and a family that I want to have some day.
I just wanted to give an update for those who have seen my previous post on here. For those who are still active in SSA I am not judging you, I love you all and pray God reveals himself to you as He has done to me. Im not asking for you all to do what I am doing but to just get to know the Father, Son, and Spirit.
Thank you for reading this, any and all of you. Keep me in your prayers. God is great and may His will be done, not my own.
I pray you get what you really want. I do feel that SSA can be natural.. but it's a low percentage of the population. I read a study years ago that often times the SSA son is not the first born. The mom's body provides more (male hormones I forget the name of the hormones) to the first born and less to the next son and each son there after. Also in Japan there was a study of SSA and they found that in high population areas it was more common and they determined that it was a form of population control done naturally. The cousin doing that to you is unfortunate. Also, some people believe that SSA comes from a previous life of being the opposite sex. Good luck on your journey. The problem also with a lot of the gay community is the lustful sex. They have like over 500 partners in a lifetime and one of my close friends can't find love because he keeps jumping in bed with them. I'm straight and I tell him.. don't sleep with him. Then he tells me it's not like that for gay men. But I disagree. Sex always advances the relationship. And for most it's just lust. If he was more choosy then I think he could find love. The ones I know in long term relationships don't play around, they are committed.
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