What biking advice do you have?
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How rusty is too rusty? Does a rusted-all-to-hell bike deter the bike thieves? Is it actually a positive?
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How do you keep your balls from jiggling around? My left nut is about double the size of a normal testicle because it was undescended as a kid and I had to get it plucked out like an in-grown tooth. In other words, I'm not a fan of jock-straps.
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Are elbow and knee pads worth the discomfort and sweat-rash?
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Do those hoards of bicyclists actually go into the woods to have big-gay orgies? I've had a family friend confirm his relative does that, mind you.
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How do you manage to not look gay riding a bicycle? I'm never wearing one of those "sponsored" tight-fitting bike uniforms. I'm not Lance Armstrong, and even if I was he's still a faggy cheater.
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I got a stream-lined backpack for emergency water. Should I bring a gun with me for "other" emergencies?
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Are scooters gay? Are skateboards still cool? Which does the least harm to your lower back?
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I always move off to the side and let cars pass. Is this safer or more dangerous? I don't wanna be a jerk and force someone to pass me when I'm the one going 5-10 miles an hour and they gotta take a shit really bad.
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Does biking help reduce belly-fat? I don't drink, but I've had a beer-belly since 8th grade. I'm not fat, I can lift a whole fridge, except I look pregnant. Will biking help me shed the midriff?
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Since sun-screen is known to be carcinogenic (likely on purpose) what's the over-under on alternatives? I have some methylene blue which is used in super-expensive sun-screens that don't have asbestos in them, but I don't wanna risk dying my skin blue.
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My head gets really itchy from the helmet. Is a shaved head better or worse? How do you manage the itching in that bastard?
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Seriously, though. Do bicyclists have gay orgies in the woods? They always creep me out because I live out in the boonies. I don't wanna wake up and find out they sniffed my bike out and are humping around it like a pack of jack rabbits in heat. Is there an anti-gay-orgy-bicyclist repellent I can spray around my shed?
With so many questions it's hard to know which ones you care about. Bike safety depends a lot on where you live. Type of roads and type of culture. Consider a recumbent for the comfort stuff. Some are low to the ground and hard for cars to see, but others are high like regular bikes, normal except for the seat which can look like a webbed lawn chair. They work different muscles than traditional bikes, lots of people say they're better for your back. Maintaining a bicycle is easy. Make sure the brakes work, clean and lube the rest, tighten it down. I like a handlebar-mounted rearview mirror. If you have doubts about the bike's safety, most local bike shops are staffed with nice people. A well-tuned bike is more fun than a squeaky one.
Lots of head hair makes helmets more comfortable. If that's not an option, go for the George Washington wig--- they're coming back in style now. In my state bicycle helmets are not required for adults; probably not in yours either. I hate them. Electric bikes are awesome, but way heavier than normal bikes and harder to transport if you're not riding it. Changing or fixing a tire is horrible if the motor is in the wheel: a mid-drive is superior in all criteria.
Scooters are awesome. A 650cc Kymco or BMW, Tmax or Burgman will do better than 80 comfortably on the freeway, and all will fit a few bags of groceries under the seat. Smaller scooters vary a lot, just be sure you are comfortable with whatever you get. I wouldn't get anything smaller than a pcx, but that's just me. Vespas, despite some improvement attempts, are still gay.
The one I went to, I can confirm, had reasonable people there.
This is the type of scooter I was talking about:
https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/71xFU6NoySL.AC_SL1500.jpg
Those are dangerous. There's actually a ton of injuries on those. If that's what you're thinking, go for one of these with big wheels: https://pin.it/3xdfCJw Add an electric motor, you'll feel like a kid again. Fun.