I really didnt want to either. I got very angry at first and all sorts of dark stuff came in. Instantly I felt I needed to do it though. That part of me needed to push the darkness aside and only focus on Christ. I thought about how much evil they have been exposed to and that hurt my heart. Yes they have caused so much as well but people dont instantly become that darkness. It takes years and years of being around it. Then I thought what if they have never been around true Godly love. What if one act of love could change a whole family. I wasnt expecting it but part of me had to keep the hope that it would. Other wise what power does love truly have. Like I said many many dark things went through my head. Things I'm not proud of and that really hurt to think came inside me. Only by the love and grace of God was I able to push them aside. I had hate in my heart and that makes me a murderer in his eyes. That is hard to live with. Thank you Jesus for giving me another way. All glory to God.