Not all gays are effeminate flamers. There's a gay culture. It's flamboyant, excessive, and it's done specifically because they know it's irritating to others. It draws attention and it's intended to. That's the "I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it" attitude.

But talk to some gay people. They often don't like that attitude and find it unhelpful. It makes people hate them by association with it. The first time I ever heard "Alphabet people", it was from a lesbian. She was out, open, and had no shame about it at all. Her girlfriend still played the "bi" game, but was really just a freak. Regardless, both of them hated the over-the-top crap. They wouldn't go to drag shows, and rarely ever went to gay clubs, preferring regular ones with no subculture.

The non-militant ones just want to be left alone - just like we do.