for anyone who cares literally at all I have to confess something. I've been struggling massively with addiction for a while now. I'm not exactly comfortable saying what the addiction actually is but I've been trying for months to quit. and every single time I try, I succumb to the temptation. I'm making a mockery of Jesus's sacrifice, and I hate it, and I want nothing more than to be able to overcome my addiction, but I simply don't have the strength. what am I supposed to do? it's really starting to feel hopeless.
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I will share my situation in the hope that it will give you some hope.
I am married, to the same lady, 34 years later this month. From year 5 or so, until year 30. I was not a good person to her. I never cheated or anything like that, I was just mean to her, specifically with how I spoke to her. I always thought it was her fault because she "started" it, etc.
Around year thirty it finally dawned on me the problem was me. I was simply mistreating her. I saw her as someone to be loved and cherished, but still the problem remained. With that realization I prayed for God to for forgiveness and to help me treat her better. Each time after an argument where I was clearly in the wrong I would immediately recognize my sin and pray for forgiveness and that my heart would be changed and I would ask her for forgiveness and explain that I now recognize that it is me that is the problem. Sometimes this happened on consecutive days. Practically every week had an incident.
This sequence of events persisted for about a year. Each time I begged God to help me, to change me, to make me treat my wife the way she deserved. Then one morning I awoke, and I saw her in a whole new light and felt completely different towards her. The problem was gone and I no longer treated her so poorly. God had answered my prayers!
Since then, about three years ago, we have had a fantastic relationship serving Christ together. She says it is like I am a new person.
So, my advice is keep trying to resist the temptation and ask for forgiveness when you fail and wait on God to act. There is hope!