^Ditto- everything you said. I married my husband without knowing about this problem, also. I agree in some cases the wife can be partially at fault for lack of taking care of herself, weight, low libido, etc-- but in my case, I discovered this problem about a year into our marriage, when we were having sex EVERY night. I was absolutely blindsided by finding HUNDREDS of pages of porn open on his phone when I picked it up to check the weather or something. In subsequent fights/discussions about this issue over the years, the blame has been put on me for being too busy, not going to bed on time, not being interested, lots of other excuses. I believed some of those things for a time, until I would fix whatever issue it was and find out it was still happening. Devastating all over again. Books, advice columns/info about this issue is just as devastating and hopeless. It took a lot of years for me to finally realize that it wasn't my fault or anything I was doing or not doing. All I can do is pray for him and love him anyway.