Maybe there is something to this global warming stuff after all. As one commentator wrote, “Snows are less frequent and less deep. They often do not lie below the mountains more than one, two, or three days and very rarely a week. They are remembered to be formerly frequent, deep, and of long continuance. The elderly inform me that the earth used to be covered with snow about three months every year. The rivers, which then seldom failed to freeze over in the course of the winter, scarcely ever do now. This changes…in the spring of the year is very fatal to fruits…I remember that when I was a small boy, say 60 years ago, snows were frequent and deep in every winter.”
Proof, if any was ever needed, that the planet is disastrously warming.
Oh, wait a minute. That was written by Thomas Jefferson in 1799.
I am personally a fan of global warming. I try to encourage it whenever I can, but it hasn't been going so well lately. I blame the sun.
This must be the last lie they have to work with because they are hanging onto it with white-knuckled determination. When I was younger it was the population explosion that would doom us to oblivion, but then there was no doom at all despite having billions more people, so they quietly retired that. Then they said we were headed for another ice age (Oh, my GOD!) but that didn't happen, so they stopped putting chilling pictures of snow apocalypses on the magazine covers and went with the warming. Well, that hasn't happened either, and like a rapture-day predictor, they keep moving their projected date-of-no-return to account for the lack of warmth-related disasters, and they renamed it "climate change" because that didn't require an actual shift in temperatures to scare the focus groups.
They must be getting desperate to save their latest sciency fear narrative because now they're blaming everything on it. Social discontent, inflation, brain fog, covid vaccine heart attacks, conservatism, lack of rain, too much rain, lack of hurricanes, too many hurricanes, cancer, poorness, disobediently large polar bear populations, and bad peaches are all conveniently blamed on climate change with the backup of well-paid scientific support. Even hemorrhoids are now caused by climate change, but I think that's a stretch because it's always pretty warm where they are anyway.
I'm feeling a chill, so please excuse me. I have some cans to spray and a barbecue to get going. Or maybe I'll just go find Stacy Abrams and chase her around for a bit. The tremendous friction from her thunderous thighs should convert enough carbon in an hour to equal 10 transatlantic Leo DeCaprio flights to a "Carbon Will Kill Us All" conference.