This dude is a dick fart personified. Too dainty to work a real job, far too retarded to critically think. So xir became a “journalist” hoping to be there to comfort some poor unsuspecting lady receptionist having boyfriend problems (most certainly as a cover story for his closet homosexuality) - while she was undoubtedly drunk - so xir could at least have some chance of mating, to feel what it might feel like to be a maga alpha male.

Alas, goofybeard spent that night like so many others - scratching his patchy “beard” and masturbating to the Don Lemon poster scotch taped above his bed. “Next time”, thinks goofybeard, “I’ll get the girl. Next time I’ll be loved and respected for sure.”. Sadly, Goofybeard died unexpectedly soon thereafter. The medical examiner said it was the largest rectally inserted pineapple he’s ever seen. Cause of death was Covid, of course, and definitely not death by rectal pineapple. The gay bar goofybeard frequented nightly decided to commemorate xirs memory with a pineapple/captain Morgan cocktail aptly named the Hawaiian Breeze, after their beloved goofybeard and his record setting pineapple.

RIP Goofybeard, yours is a story far too common amongst the “main stream” “journalist” field. Maybe you should’ve just learned to code, faggot.