Hello. Those who are strong in the Lord can you ask God what the hell I should do with my life because I feel lost and deeply depressed. I'm literally drinking vodka now and I kinda want to kill myself because life seems hopeless. Sorry for being too dark and morbid, it's just how I feel. Drugs are my only escape. Not proud of it, just all I got. Thank you.
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I will pray for your health and well-being but only you can know what you are to do with your life.
Your first step is to get help with your addictions. Those cloud your mind and prevent you from seeing and feeling what you need to. Join the Prayer Garden in the Daily Prayer Thread. They can guide you.
Once you start on the path to sobriety, look around you. Many others are hurting both human and animal. Find a church that ministers to those in need. Offer your help. The least popular jobs are the behind the scenes, real work: organizing the food pantry; sorting through the lending closet; peeling potatoes for meals. I enjoy those unpopular jobs because to me those are the most meaningful.
Animal shelters are in desperate need of help. Especially dog walkers. It only takes a few hours to go through general orientation and specific dog handling training. Trust me, the look on the dogs's faces when they see you walk into the kennel carrying a leash is absolutely priceless. You will feel such love and importance! Most shelters do "Hiking Buddies" where once you are trained you can borrow a dog for the day. Lots of people who can't have pets love that program. The dogs really love it as a normal walk is 15-20 minutes once or twice a day if they're lucky enough to even get a walk.
Reaching outside of yourself will help you find yourself.