Im a doomer plain and simple. Honestly I try not to be, you all are some tough s.o.b.s. I miss the old America, before cellphones were in everyones pockets, or glued to peoples faces. I miss conversations that meant something instead of saying something to a human cellphone. And whilst i talk, they act like they acknowledge but truly i know they are all preoccupied in whatever the fuck 10 second videos rip through their minds. Then after moments of silence i fall part of the scheme feeling like if i cant beat them join them. Poof, i notice hours of my one and only life have passed and nothing truly came of it. I miss real humans. And there's rarely and real humans left. Everyone wants clicks likes and shares, everyone is little gay attention whores, and I have seen myself do it too. Nasty creatures of habbit i guess. I miss riding bikes with the neighborhood kids. I miss any resemblance of normalcy. And that, honestly is something i feel like we'll never have back regardless of what happens. This is the new world weather i like it or not. I have been trying to find god. But feel weird (indescribable) everytime i pray. I feel like there's no one listening, i feel corny, i feel like im talking to my bed or the wall. Lifes tough and in the end ill make it through anyway, but I wish i could find a purpose. Thanks for listening. And yes. I do take breaks from my phone, i do fish and go outside, but it all seems watered down in a sense for some reason. You guys have been better to me than most. Guess thats why I post here. Keep on trucking frens!
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There's a massive catch-22 involved here. When you're young, time crawls along, and when you get on in years, it goes too fast. When you get to the point in your life when you look back more than you look forward, it amplifies the problem. When family members start to shuffle off, you realize more and more that it is time to make what you have left in years worth every minute. You look back and pine for things you always wanted but could never obtain; you second-guess your decisions and wonder what it would be like if you did something differently or took a different path. I am finding out that such energy is wasteful, but you can't just turn it off like a light switch. However, you still have some time left, and by directing your efforts toward something you really love, it evens out.
When I was younger, I always wanted to become a concert pianist. I first heard Claude Debussy's Claire de Lune when I was five. Didn't know what it was, but ever since then I could not find a piece, other than the Adagio from Mozart's 23rd Piano Concerto, that sounded as harmonious and as beautiful as if it were written in Heaven. Since circumstances in life dictated a different path for me, I made a decision to offset my lack of concert pianist skills to construct an audio system that would convey such beauty as realistically as possible so that it would appear as if I were playing in front of a massive audience. That was one of my life goals, to be worked on while getting a career and paying the bills and getting married and all that. Now, fast forward to today. I have that system. I have a venue where when I need to, I can put on music and escape back to my childhood. It is that very thing that keeps me sane and wards off depression. When I feel down because of all evil that is going on in the world, I know that I have a safe haven where no one can hurt me.
Look, I am going to die forgotten, with the exception of two people, my wife and son. I seek no sympathy. I am content. Do what you have to in a final quest to become content, before you take your terminal breath. Find the one thing or the one place where you can go to achieve this sense of peace, whether that be in a church, an animal shelter, a meadow, a mountain top, wherever - just make time to go there, and value that time as if it were your last time on earth. You may find that when you do this, you will be able to say "yes, it's all good." Sorry for the long post.