Inb4 religion...Whats is a good reason why you havent armed yourself? With everything going on around us, it might benefit the world as a whole for you to equip yourself with an equalizer.
Go buy a cheap pistol at the very least and learn to put rounds on target. We need all the backup we can get.
Fucking hell, amigo. Suicidal? 15 years old?? Please reach out and seek men to help you out. Christian church is a good place to start. Visit your local fire dept and talk with the men there. These suggestion sound odd, perhaps, but the idea is to put you in touch with good strong men who might be able to help you swing your life and mindset into another direction. God is real. God is your father. Christ is your brother. And there are men here on earth who are willing to be there for you when you need them. God bless