Yeah, the conditioning was a constant stream of nightmares strung together to form what could be called a life, it either kills you or makes you humble, at the very least.
It's not a matter of trust, its just that when you're not accepted no matter what you do, you kinda give up on the idea of being accepted at all, you stop caring about it, I guess that has something to do with it.
I imagine this makes it seem I feel I'm better than they are, and it's actually the opposite, I only ever saw myself as lesser, which is what makes me so angry, there's no excuse, I did it, so can they.
I don't understand why people are so quick to run in their defense, it's not like we are calling for them to be executed or anything like that, we're just telling it how it is, they're idiots, period, not because it's some inherent quality they can't escape, but because they choose to be.
As a child I never experienced such cruelity as I did when I was in elementary school between 2nd and 5th grade. I'm not sure why, but I was simply excluded from everything having to do with my peers, and for years at school I couldn't have any friends or even friendly acquaintances. Things go better later on for me, but unfortunately my harshly negative experiences in elementary school made me untrustworthy. And as you say, I gave up on the idea of being accepted, and found the "mob mentality" to be the wrong way to go.
As a mid 30s adult I look at young children and can never figure out why they were so cruel to me when I was their age. It's almost unfathomable to believe that it could be true, as children generally look happy and innocent. Typically teasings and mean behaviors don't develop until the adolescent years when drama erupts.
But it's not cruelty with children, they are just unfiltered, whatever comes to mind flows out the mouth you know, with most children anyway, wasn't the case with me.
And they just notice and single out whatever is different, they notice that if they say something funny about the weird kid their friends laugh and they feel good about themselves, but that's it, there's no real cruelty, they're not plotting to destroy your life, they can't think that far heh.
Yeah, the conditioning was a constant stream of nightmares strung together to form what could be called a life, it either kills you or makes you humble, at the very least.
It's not a matter of trust, its just that when you're not accepted no matter what you do, you kinda give up on the idea of being accepted at all, you stop caring about it, I guess that has something to do with it.
I imagine this makes it seem I feel I'm better than they are, and it's actually the opposite, I only ever saw myself as lesser, which is what makes me so angry, there's no excuse, I did it, so can they.
I don't understand why people are so quick to run in their defense, it's not like we are calling for them to be executed or anything like that, we're just telling it how it is, they're idiots, period, not because it's some inherent quality they can't escape, but because they choose to be.
As a child I never experienced such cruelity as I did when I was in elementary school between 2nd and 5th grade. I'm not sure why, but I was simply excluded from everything having to do with my peers, and for years at school I couldn't have any friends or even friendly acquaintances. Things go better later on for me, but unfortunately my harshly negative experiences in elementary school made me untrustworthy. And as you say, I gave up on the idea of being accepted, and found the "mob mentality" to be the wrong way to go.
As a mid 30s adult I look at young children and can never figure out why they were so cruel to me when I was their age. It's almost unfathomable to believe that it could be true, as children generally look happy and innocent. Typically teasings and mean behaviors don't develop until the adolescent years when drama erupts.
We had a similar childhood then
But it's not cruelty with children, they are just unfiltered, whatever comes to mind flows out the mouth you know, with most children anyway, wasn't the case with me.
And they just notice and single out whatever is different, they notice that if they say something funny about the weird kid their friends laugh and they feel good about themselves, but that's it, there's no real cruelty, they're not plotting to destroy your life, they can't think that far heh.
In my experience it was much worse than that.