One part of me feel compassion , the other part feels nothing… I was told I should be raped and beheaded in front of my husband… I know I should be better than that… but I just can’t… hate begets a fuck you, you fucking fuck… I want to be bigger and better,,, but I can’t right now… I know it is wrong,,, I need to find right.. I can’t forgive or forgive what they did and said…
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Many years ago, I read a book by Charles Stanley entitled "The Gift of Forgiveness" and it was one of the most impactful books I have ever read. I know this is not a popular sentiment but he explains how important it is to to learn to forgive others because it actually frees us from the bondage the negative state of unforgiveness puts us in and it is directly tied to God's forgiveness of us.
It is difficult, takes practice and patience, but is God's gift to us so that the "peace that passes understanding" will reign in our hearts. It is not dependent on the party that has hurt you exhibiting repentance or asking for forgiveness...it is a gift given to you through God's forgiveness and you show the same grace (unmerited favor) because you have been forgiven. This also applies to forgiving ourselves. God is great and His grace, mercy and forgiveness gives us the freedom we desire.
It literally takes God's help to forgive. Without His help, you can't.
And the great thing is that He understands how weak we are and that is when His grace abounds...
Yes!
Rom 5:20 "Moreover the law entered that the offense might abound. But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more,"