I don't know how long this will last. I don't know if this is a permanent life change, though I do want it to be. But here are the results after a few weeks:
Testosterone: through the fucking roof
Confidence: at an all time high
Self respect: highest it has ever been
Bedroom performance: also really high
How did I achieve this? I will tell you right now, religious fundamentalism, aggressive prayer and fighting my desires was NOT the way. If beating yourself over the head with a Bible or whatever religious text you prefer helps you to walk the straight and narrow, fine. Far be it from me to criticize if that is what you want for yourself. It simply did not work for me. I lived a lot of my life as a pious pretender. When I stopped caring so much and just lived as an honest degenerate, life began to change for the better. I am considerably less insecure these days. I don't live in fear of something because someone said so in a book. I don't choose this out of obligation. I choose it because I want it.
I decided a few years ago to just follow Christ. I acknowledge the additional context, but following His example, loving your enemies treating others the way you want to be treated, loving my neighbors, all the golden rule stuff, that I placed above EVERYTHING else. And the results... speak for themselves.
Faith is a personal journey. Religious fundamentalists have failed to understand this because they think because they found the answers for themselves that they magically have all the answers for everyone else. You do not. Jesus is the authority. And while I am likely to consider the ideas of those Christians who actually have sold their possessions and picked up their cross, they too are still just mortal flawed men.
The dangers of porn are very real, but not impossible to overcome. Shaming people will not help. In fact, if anything humans have a tendency to over indulge when being shamed. Who are you to tell me or anyone for that matter how they need to live their life? Exactly. If Jesus comes back tomorrow, we'll figure out the rest from there. Though a lot of you are gonna be pissed when he starts forgiving people you thought FOR SURE were going to hell. Aside from the pedo elites, no one is worthy of damnation. If anything, you are for thinking someone else was for daring to live their lives as they saw fit. The only aggressors that deserve punishment are those who violate consent and that includes spiritual consent. If someone does not want to hear you, you don't get to force your opinion on them just because you think you are right. Consent is the only real rule and ultimate morality in this life. And just because you choose to consent to additional rules does not mean you are better than those of us who do not.
And that's how I made this happen. I found my own way. And that's what you, a struggling porn addict need to understand. If the shame tactics and accountabilibuddy systems aren't working, then you need to find something else. Overindulgence may be your salvation as it was mine. And no... I didn't get desensitized to sex. It doesn't work that way at least for me.
Good luck and don't feel bad if you fail. You're only human.
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
I recall Fr John at St Sophia in LA once closing his sermon with the admonition not to attempt the acts depicted in porn, as those people are professionals and you will injure yourself trying. It was very funny. Because it’s true.
The orthodox view of “sin” is a bit different from what many others believe. Serve God or serve yourself. The particulars are incidental. They say sin is “missing the mark.” As in; archers don’t get bullseyes pointing 180 degrees from the target.
Nobody is landing every shot, we’re wired to serve ourselves, and most often are blithely unaware of it. That’s why we need Jesus. He killed death for us, if we only have faith. Faith that God loves us enough to live humbly as one of us, die ignominiously as one of us, and to trick the devil, resurrect to free us from Hell, if we’ll only drop what we’re doing and follow Him. If you get separated He’ll wade into the brambles to bring you back. That’s been my experience, and I’m decidedly unworthy, so your results will exceed mine. If you see me in the sheepfold, wave hello. I’m the most raggedy burr covered one with all the scratches from brambles, and the big smile. But I’m there by grace and mercy. If He gave it to me he can’t possibly deny you. I say the Jesus Prayer. As often as I can. Like when I have thoughts, I lapse into it. Or start playing a song in my head, the same. It changed my life and led me to church, and catechism, and salvation. It picked me up and moved me to it’s source. I had no idea it’s at the heart of orthodoxy, I didn’t even know orthodoxy existed. Never liked TV preachers or revival tent show carneys. That’s what I thought it all was. Then I saw a documentary about monasteries all over the world chant this prayer all day every day. I didn’t know they were orthodox monasteries. Thought it was all “Catholic” so I tried to join the Roman church but I didn’t qualify in my present condition. I only thought I was married, but was living in sin, and would need to abstain from sex with my wife for a year first. Then if we both joined we could be married in the church and be intimate. Because sex is some big “original sin” no no. The wife wouldn’t have accepted that, I didn’t even ask her. Then into my head popped the idea “Wonder what the Greek Orthodox position on divorce etc might be.” So I decided to check it out. I found my spiritual home. May everyone have such a blessing in their own way.
“Lord Jesus Christ Son of God have mercy on me a sinner.” Millions are praying that all over the earth. I feel that when I join in I’m among them all. It’s powerfully evocative. Like the prayer is an ongoing perpetual jam, and you get to sit in with the masters. What a privilege. I’m unworthy, but there I am, jamming along.
You can say Lord Have Mercy on (someone’s name) and drop the sinner bit. I’ve got a list, and that’s good too.
It’s called Hesychasm I later learned. Look it up. Its only kinda old, but it’s legit. It’s gotten me through lots of rough spots, and helps me keep steady to help others while around me there’s utter chaos.
Sorry to ramble on, but I’m only saying this stuff because it worked for me, before I ever set foot in a church and I know it’ll work for anybody. Not to look like I’m some phony mystic or something. It’s not about me, it’s about the prayer. Try it. Miracles will start to happen around you. It’ll pick you up and move you if you’re sincere. Kyrie Eleison
Again apologize for ranting, but it’s kinda part of the deal iykwim. It’s only a treasure if you give it away. Not a false word in it either. Jesus is real (ity)
I can second the effectiveness of the Jesus prayer. It made ALL the difference in my relationship with Jesus, bringing him from a nice idea in my head to a constant connection with him. Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on us