I am far from perfect as many are. Over the past year or two I have been trying to find religion. However, I've noticed Ive been trying to find a religion that justifies my poor decisions or hateful/disgusting outlook on life. Telling myself, there's no way pedophiles should be able to walk among us, and into the woodchipper I should throw them. People who harm children or others violently should die at my hands or another vengeful persons hands. I always looked to tell homosexuals and trans that they are disgusting, sick, and wrong. Ive berated liberals, democrats, and Republicans, with bias to conservatives. I've noticed that I constantly feel like I have a moral high ground as I shout, don't kill babies, fags shouldn't exist and someone should tell them, fuck joe biden, fuck this fuck that. To be honest it felt great, Its almost like I was using others as a stepping stool to get up on my high horse. Our whole existence is very short lived on this floating ball ripping through space. Yet I spend it angry at the the Bill Gates and Soros's of the world. In my head demanding punishment for their actions. It's hard to not want harm on them for what they do to the world, but I don't know what should happen to them. These thoughts boil all the way down to my own trauma throughout my personal experiences in my home life. I want to change but don't even know where to begin, I don't truly know right or wrong even when it seems evident. I hope the higher power that be help me discover a path forward. For eternal suffering sounds far beyond miserable, and I would love to see my deceased relatives again.