Today, two of us went out to walk by the beach in Massachusetts State Park. (Google Maps Satellite) The river (actually a giant lake) is ~750 ft wide and very deep. There's a Boat Club with several ramps. It is a beautiful serene place.
We noticed we were the only two people in the park. As we approached the beach, we nearly collided with a man (Hispanic / Middle-Eastern, 20-30 years old) swiftly walking behind us. It appeared that he was late for a meeting. The man was wearing a thick black winter coat (backwards), big boots and heavy backpack.
The man ran onto a narrow boat ramp. I thought: "What is he doing? Waiting for a boat?" The man was ~140ft away from us. He was pacing back and forth on the ramp. Suddenly, he stopped, turned and fell backwards into the river. He wailed one last time. Then his head submerged into the deep water below.
Guy from the Boat Club ran onto the ramp. He looked down into the river and yelled: "Motherf--ker!" He quickly ran back into the Club shouting to his fellow employee: "Call 911!"
Within ~10 minutes, an armada of police and EMT arrived on the scene. We counted 50+ officers and emergency personnel, two divers, three ambulances and two fire trucks. It took them almost an hour to locate the guy's lifeless body in the deep waters and bring it onshore.
I felt completely numb. I have watched many gruesome videos on LiveLeak (people getting electrocuted, shot, fall from roof, run over by cars, airplanes crashing and burning, etc). In those instances, innocent people died by accident.
But I hate people who kill themselves. This guy was in his prime. Yet he was a coward. He could not deal with his problems, so he decided to "unplug" himself. Now his parents, siblings, girlfriend will be suffering. What a waste.
Let me remind you: You are not alone. Everyone has dark thoughts. This is Satan whispering into your ear. Pray to God. Don't give up. Never give up. If you have bad feelings, reach out and let someone help you. Don't be a coward. Do not commit suicide. May God bless you.
It's a moment that always brings reflection. About 8 years ago I was doing one of my usual lunch hour swims at Newport Beach, CA right next to the pier. I would swim out to the buoys. On this particular summer day, I was having the time of my life, marveling at such a perfectly beautiful day, the heat, the cool salty water that teems with life, the sunshine boosting our moods.
I came back to shore which ended up being right alongside a freshly washed up body of a millennial guy, fully clothed and clearly had just thrown himself off the end of the pier. Blood out of the nose. The lifeguards started tending to him but police or ambulance were not there yet.
I simply squatted down to the sand and looked at his face, from a somewhat respectful distance. I sort of had a silent "conversation" with him in his head, knowing it was rationally fruitless, but just to process the contradiction of someone who took the last step of a condition of having no appreciable level of dopamine left, right in the middle of an environment that is essentially a dopamine pharmacy. I can say this because someone who truly acts on the belief that the only empowered choice they have left is to self-terminate, by definition has no appreciable amount of dopamine neurotransmissions left to perceive the reality around them and process decision making accordingly.
Individual, seemingly small, early on choices can have massive downstream consequences eventually. These are the nonlinear effects in life, whether for good or ill, and it has all to do with the management or mismanagement of time and energy, and I mean that in more than one sense.