When I was growing up I got spanked by my parents and whenever it happened I almost always did something to deserve it and I knew it. My cousins got the same, and my siblings.
My grandma is Indian from Trinidad and Tobago, she had the scarriest punishment and you knew to listen to grandma and behave:
- normally she'd give you a light knock on the crown of the head, it was like the worse ever because nothing is injured and she hardly touched you and it hurt so bad
- "The heat for the seat" was a large wooden decorative spoon the size of a plate, she broke it on my cousin when he wouldn't stop beating me up
We laugh about it now, he knew he deserved it and it was funny in hindsight that it broke after correcting 2 generations of familly members.
Growing up I could always tell the kids that were never spanked from the ones that were. The kids who were never spanked all had these traits:
- complete lack of fear of authority
- complete disrespect for adult
- bullying of others, including crybullying
- lack of respect for the law
- propensity to cheat
- no respect for other people property
- a willigness to commit petty theft for fun
I think that the modern ideals are wrong. I believe in the old wisdom of our forefathers.
Grandma was right to hit us.
I was beaten on a regular basis by my Dad until I started fighting back at age 13. Anything I did wrong, in his eyes, was met with some form of violence, backhands, slaps, kicks, the belt and any combination of those. Did I deserve some form of punishment for some of the things I did? Sometimes, sure, but, not to that level or frequency. It made me an angry child who didn't give a shit about much. I had a bad attitude, got into lots of fights and my schooling suffered badly. I had lots to reconcile as I grew into an adult. One thing that I vowed to do differently than my Dad was how I raised my children. I didn't want them to grow up with the emotional scars that I still carry.
Purely by chance, I came up with a system. If I caught them doing something they shouldn't be doing I would start counting to 3, very loudly. If I made it to 3, I would stomp over to where they were and put a stop to whatever they were up to. No violence, just shock and awe. If I had to do that 3 times in a day, they got a spanking, 3 swats on the bum, open hand and not very hard. They were little so, they had diapers or training pants on, a bit of padding. The spanking wasn't about imposing physical pain, it was an escalation of shock and awe. Then, they were sent to thier room to cry it off. When I heard no more crying I went to see if they were over it and if we could talk. If they were still upset I would close the door and wait until they were calm enough to reason with, as much as you can reason with a small child. I did my best to explain why they can't be doing those things and that I don't like punishing them. After our talk I always gave them a big hug and told them I loved them.
My youngest, the one that tested me the most, is 29 now and a well adjusted adult. So is his older brother. I didn't have to spank either one after age 4. Usually, a very loud,"ONE!!!!" would do the trick by then. So, yes, I believe in corporal punishment but, only as a last resort and within reason. An early start on discipline and consistency are the keys. Follow through with threats of discipline. But, always be kind and loving afterwards.
Sorry for the long post. My Dad died 2 months ago, my Mom 2 years ago and recently we have been cleaning out their house. A couple of days ago I found many of my old report cards my Mom had saved. They told a story, one I'm partly sharing now. Between that and this thread, it's hitting a nerve that I suppressed for a while.