Lately I've fallen in what feels like a rut of life. I feel numb to all that life has to offer me. I've spent a year with a very taxing new baby who I love and adore but has been my hardest baby yet and my third. Now into toddlerhood, still very much more difficult then my other two children before I feel there is a hint of light at the end of the tunnel. Still I'm just numb. Nothing that I used to be passionate about brings me much anything. From gardening to farming, to writing, to starting new projects etc. I used to leap at the chance to do any of these. Now I can't seem to start anything. I'm plagued with fatigue and mental tiredness. I've done it all to try to alleviate the issue, great diet, plenty of vitamin, lots of sun, long walks, light exercise 4x a week. I'm no longer in darkness but not in the light either. I'm an avid Bible reader/studier but even here, I feel I've lost my spark. Like I've lost my first love. I'm just reading out of duty, praying out of duty, going to church out of duty. Which is so different from a year or two ago. Now to the point. Any recommendations for a personal Bible study, (preferably tangible like a book) about finding the love for God again, I'm not mad at God or faltering in my faith, mentally I rock solid believe in his grace and salvation but . But currently emotionally I feel a whole lot of nothing about everything. I'd like like to think it's better than the darkness but honestly I'm not too sure it is...
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Crap, I know how you feel, my fren! I've been going through something similar for over a half year now already. But for me, I was not reading the Bible or praying much at all. I'd been healthy for 3 years, then in October I caught what could have been the WuFlu but nobody could tell I was sick, so I bluffed my way through work and just used PTO in the afternoons and continued my evening job teaching ESL. Then in November I had quite a burst of energy, began exercising nearly every day, drastically reduced my alcohol consumption, lost a bunch of weight, and brought back my prayer life. Then God showed me that I need to pray for the girl I didn't marry, a girl who was special to me but I'd given my heart to another.
It's been a bit of spiritual whiplash, and I have mentioned this situation on this forum here a few times, but although this girl and her older sister who both meant so much to me back then have fallen away from the Lord, I keep praying for them daily in tears.
I've gone a bit in the opposite direction from you since I've become closer to God lately, but I too have felt like my life has been in a rut. I'm yearning for something more, wanting to be a light to my old friends, but here I am in Japan, so far away. The nice thing is that now my daughter is pen pals with that older sister's daughter, and I'm being patient with what God can do for our lives. But I've been so deeply impacted that I haven't been doing much hobbies at all. I even have a YT/Odysee channel for hobbies, particularly building plastic models. I've lost a zeal for that, and even just video games. Too often I'd rather go jogging at night because that's the best prayer time for me.
I've prayed for God's grace though, because my empathy for others can cripple my heart if I am not careful, and my friends who have fallen away and won't communicate with me have been so much on my mind that it's impaired my ability to enjoy my own life. Since this past weekend, I feel like I've begun to normalize more and enjoy my hobbies again.
I know how you mean about being no longer in darkness but not really in the light. I pray for this Great Awakening and that it will open the eyes of my loved ones. The girl I once loved but God had told me at the time that she wasn't the one for me, and her older sister who is the one who encouraged me to propose to my wife. And many other friends who have lost their way.
Don't ever feel hesitant to pray for yourself. Pray for God's grace in your life. Pray for the Holy Spirit to move your heart and to motivate you to do what you need to do. And thank God for your family. My wife and i were only able to have one child. Then when she was hit by a car in 2019, life sort of changed and it closed the door on the possibility for more children.
I think many others must be feeling like we're on the verge of something great, but we are just getting so fatigued from the anticipation...