Lately I've fallen in what feels like a rut of life. I feel numb to all that life has to offer me. I've spent a year with a very taxing new baby who I love and adore but has been my hardest baby yet and my third. Now into toddlerhood, still very much more difficult then my other two children before I feel there is a hint of light at the end of the tunnel. Still I'm just numb. Nothing that I used to be passionate about brings me much anything. From gardening to farming, to writing, to starting new projects etc. I used to leap at the chance to do any of these. Now I can't seem to start anything. I'm plagued with fatigue and mental tiredness. I've done it all to try to alleviate the issue, great diet, plenty of vitamin, lots of sun, long walks, light exercise 4x a week. I'm no longer in darkness but not in the light either. I'm an avid Bible reader/studier but even here, I feel I've lost my spark. Like I've lost my first love. I'm just reading out of duty, praying out of duty, going to church out of duty. Which is so different from a year or two ago. Now to the point. Any recommendations for a personal Bible study, (preferably tangible like a book) about finding the love for God again, I'm not mad at God or faltering in my faith, mentally I rock solid believe in his grace and salvation but . But currently emotionally I feel a whole lot of nothing about everything. I'd like like to think it's better than the darkness but honestly I'm not too sure it is...
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Try keto/intermittent fasting and detox. If there is something physical happening, that's a good start at physical healing.
Feelings are like nerves for your soul. Hot, cold, wet, sharp, angry, sad, depressed, joyful- these are innate gifts that God gave us to modulate our relationships with the world and with each other as spiritual beings with a physical existence.
Depression is not a disease. And acting to love out of duty and commitment is perfectly reasonable way to spend time. But just acting and reading and serving and going through the motions is not fulfilling.
Love is the answer, the only answer.
My family is very connected to many missionary organizations, and we work to support people all over the world doing all kinds of ministries- and we have discovered this: "Lovers make the best workers". You can be talented at languages or skilled at building or medicine or teaching, but if you are JUST a talented worker serving, you'll burn out in a couple years. The lifelong missionaries who never get burned out are not the ones who necessarily have great skills, but rather the ones who just do whatever they can to help out of love.
Find your "spark" in love.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
"If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing."
Due to a genetic liver condition I can't fast and keto has proven to hard on my system. I am however going to be changing my diet to Whole Foods and looking to purposeful meals in regulating hormones and helping liver detox. I will take your advice to do all things with love at the forefront, it is very sound advice and something that gets lost and put to the side when life becomes routine