I’m sorry fren, I feel your pain on a very deep level. I’ve been there myself several times, I know it can feel impossible to overcome. My go to was pills, anything to dull the edges. But you can get better, even when it feels like you can’t. Reaching out to us is a big step. It used to be so hard for me to talk about it. When I felt really bad but was struggling to admit it I’d tell my husband “I don’t feel good today”, he’d respond with “mentally or physically?”. It doesn’t seem like much, but me just acknowledging my mental state took pressure off. Sometimes we’d go deeper if I wanted to talk, other times I just felt relief that I didn’t have to pretend to be okay. That little release of pressure helped me make other small changes until I started to get better. I still have my days, but I’m no longer in that dark hole feeling like I’ll never escape. Sending good vibes and healing your way.