If I lived in a different century I would have been a monk. I don't like life. Or rather, I don't like the kind of life I'm expected to have. Life itself is beautiful, but I hate that I have to experience it as a human being bogged down with all sorts of irrelevant responsibilities and obligations. It feels like 90% of life is just being distracted from the greater parts of existence.
I don't really care about being successful or advancing my ego. Life is too short and too temporary to get any satisfaction from that. What I want is to just be. Part of me feels attracted to death for that reason. "Duty is heavier than a mountain; death is lighter than a feather." It's something that crosses my mind a lot. Not out of depression or desperation, but out of a desire for peace.
I feel the presence of God in those quiet moments that could have been experienced in any time. Walking through a forest, watching the sunrise at the beach, gazing at the moon and stars. I just want to be at peace. I have a very good life and have been blessed with many things. But the only thing I really want is peace.
That sounds depressing
Sounds like you’re a young person just starting out and you’re shocked by how tough the world is. Find a good church, one that is rooted in the Bible and join the young people group. Also, there is a Bible app that teaches the word of God, it’s free, Thru the Bible. Honestly, you’re going to need a deep faith to get through this tough world, suicide isn’t an answer to your problems. I mention this because you’ve hinted at it in a few posts. Please talk to someone about your depression. Sincerely wishing you the best.
Check out Ernest Holmes. Science of Mind and Spirit. Not Scientology.
Holmes worked with the best of all religions and has an amazing take on it all.
Yeah it does.
I help a couple old folks living out in the boonies keep their independence. Way way waaaaay more satisfying.