If I lived in a different century I would have been a monk. I don't like life. Or rather, I don't like the kind of life I'm expected to have. Life itself is beautiful, but I hate that I have to experience it as a human being bogged down with all sorts of irrelevant responsibilities and obligations. It feels like 90% of life is just being distracted from the greater parts of existence.
I don't really care about being successful or advancing my ego. Life is too short and too temporary to get any satisfaction from that. What I want is to just be. Part of me feels attracted to death for that reason. "Duty is heavier than a mountain; death is lighter than a feather." It's something that crosses my mind a lot. Not out of depression or desperation, but out of a desire for peace.
I feel the presence of God in those quiet moments that could have been experienced in any time. Walking through a forest, watching the sunrise at the beach, gazing at the moon and stars. I just want to be at peace. I have a very good life and have been blessed with many things. But the only thing I really want is peace.
Me too, friend.
Now realizing that my hatred of society, the materialism and narcissism that people go after, was absolutely right.
The missing thing is finding true purpose based on God's intention for us.
Need to find others who have the same level of being awake and search for a real purpose rather than the slave system they've set up for us.