Was invited by two close friends to attend their church service today. The wife was singing in the choir. We met several years ago and met through an automotive enthusiast group and became friends. Laugh together, joke together...our personalities just meshed. Over the past year or so we have grown apart yet text each other out of the blue, etc. Last week was "Hey, come with us....and just listen."
I was raised Roman Catholic in the rural midwest. While I was not an alter boy, was part of the boys group of the church that did summer camp and some other get togethers. Around 10 years old or so, the priest took me under his wing, said he liked what he saw in me and wanted to help me learn the bible better.
That "learning" turned into almost four years of mental, physical and sexual abuse until I was close to 14. Came home crying one day and bleeding in my shorts. When I told my parents, their response was "what did you do wrong to upset the priest?"
From them on I just withdrew as I thought it was me that I did something wrong. I've carried that withdraw with me for many years. As soon as I was 16 and could legally drive, I was out the door and gone from all of it including God. Looking back, I repressed all of that hurt, anxiety and anger and in my mind, rightfully so.
After covid, I was camping (2022) with the couple that invited me today. The husband is a Marine and we were sitting around a campfire and drinking all night talking about life, spirituality and everything else under the stars. Feeling safe and losing some inhibition I opened up to him about my past experiences. Wife had already gone to bed and it was just him and me.
He shared his experiences in the sandbox in Iraq and I shared my experiences under the priest. Once that came out the conversation became awkward as we were both fairly lit and uncertain as to how to proceed. Crying and sobbing, he said all of this is terrible and I don't have all the answers, but I am searching for them. When I do I will let you know. We ended the night about 3am under the stars in a tear stained hug with each other "Nite bro, love ya" kind of thing. When the sun came up the next day, we acting as nothing was discussed, had breakfast and went our separate ways.
Now at the end of 2023 and two weeks ago I get a joint text with him and wife. Address, date and time and just says "I found the answer. Come with us and just listen...." Pulled up the address and it is a church. I responded back I'm not interested. Few days go by and get another text and a conversation starts. Eventually I agree and we met up at church today.
It is a non-denominational church, one of those rock band style churches. His wife does have a wonderful voice and it was great to see her sing.
The sermon was relating to Luke (will look this up) regarding Zechariah and Elizabeth unable to have a baby until an angel brought them a message from God. Unsure of all of that.
Went in extremely sceptical but halfway through I kind of got into it. During the sermon I felt something and a tear came down my eye. We shall see if I go back and continue this, but took a lot of courage from me to attend but was easy to do with my friends.
Without the pedes on here praising daily and reading those posts and messages, not sure I would have done so. I do feel like something has been missing from my life, perhaps church is it. Not sure and taking all with a grain of salt until in my mind I am sure.
Nonetheless, wish everyone a Merry Christmas and I am open to see where this path leads!
You were so brave to open up to your friend! Shame on your parents for asking what you did!! That is a stumbling block that makes it hard to move forward. I believe it’s the shock of feeling like our church leaders are ‘above sin’ and in order for them to sin we must have somehow caused it. It’s not fair to thousands of victims.
I went through a similar experience but with my father. When my mother found out I was 30. Her response was ‘well, it took 30 years for this to come out so it’ll probably take 30 more years for the ‘truth’ to come out.’ (Or something similar to that). It’s earth shattering when someone (who is supposed to love you more than life) says that to you. I’m happy to say that I had Jesus on my side. He helped heal my broken heart & I'm complete today, in my Savior, Lord Jesus’ arms. I wasn’t ever able to work through this pain with the help of my mother but I soon realized she was as sick as my father. My husband & my siblings were my support, but it was Jesus who healed my broken heart.
God bless your journey, unruly. Please seek God & know that only He can heal you from the pain you experienced. He wants us to be complete and in Him we can truly be healed. My favorite bible verse that I clung (cling) to every day was Isaiah 53:5 - He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.
Find your verse, memorize it & cling to it. God will show it to you. Amen, friend. You are loved.
Thanks, Jewel! I'm so sorry you went thru something similar. During the church service, I think what I felt was love. Hard to tell as it has been a long time since I felt that way. I am going to continue this journey and hopefully come out better on the other side.
You will come out better! I got involved in my church and then started attending Bible Study Fellowship (BSF.org) It’s an international weekly Bible study with men and women’s groups. It’s truly been such a blessing in my life & has helped me not only learn the Bible but has helped me heal. Jesus doesn’t want us to feel broken. He wants to give us new life so we can share the gospel with others. You are definitely on your way. Gods blessings on your life, unruly.