The second one. I was raised with strength being praised, so I wanted my parents to be proud of me. I remember having my tonsils out and waking up in the recovery room with a lot of crying kids, the nurse told my Dad how brave I was, and he said, "that's my girl, she is very brave", so, it must have took. My parents both had it hard, I do not remember them complaining about other people who had it better, they were grateful, and stoic. Maybe it's in my genes. Whining was not an option, because you risked a smack in the face for being a brat. I think if you model to your child, they will follow suit.