First off this will be a long post with many grammar and punctuation errors. Please forgive me for that as I’m not college educated. So grammar police please try and understand.
This story goes back 25 years or more. My ex wife and mother of our only child a daughter was once a very successful broker in the financial system in the Midwest region at a time when men dominated the field her making a substantial salary, ten times that of mine in a blue collar union job at our home in California. We have owned and lived in some beautiful homes from Northern Virginia to California. We were living the American dream traveling abroad visits to Disneyworld staying at the nicest resorts. All the while she tried to portray me to her colleagues as someone who had substantial wealth in the wine industry because we live in a very prominent northern ca region. I should have seen the writing on the wall at this point but I chose to ignore it. At this point in time we had a young daughter and my only goal was to help foster her into the great women she is today.
Then I started noticing changes in my wife’s behavior small at first then became more noticeable. She was addicted to opiates, whatever or however she could get her hands on them from doctor shopping to whatever other means of cheating the system to get more drugs. At this point I had had enough and as much as I didn’t want to we went through divorce proceedings. That was close to 25 years ago. I have always kept in communication with her and have allowed her to live with me when she fell into dire straits. She has been to numerous rehab facilities from private upscale in Napa Valley to the worst of the worst in San Francisco. Nothing has changed.
My daughter who now has given me two precious granddaughters has not spoken to her since they were born. And wants nothing to do with her. This breaks my heart.
The ex wife has fallen into the hands of social services through outreach from being in homeless centers. Social services is a joke their personal seems to change every month and a new physiologist assigned. Then the cycle continues new physiological drugs administered. It’s a cycle that never stops. Due to HIPPA rules myself or my daughter can give no input through the health system to give any input on her past. The system is truly broken.
So as of today her new physiologist has her on Suboxone and she is once again living at my home. So am I too naive to believe somehow I can break this cycle should I just cut all ties and wait for the coroner to call with the bad news. I’ve tried to hold on thinking I can bring her back to once again have a relationship with my daughter.
Am I asking too much? Should I just let go? Thanks for any prayers or advice.
Someone along my journey told me that I cannot fight alcohol, but if I turn it over and let God do the fighting, go to meetings, sponsor someone new, and do the next right thing that I would do well.
So that is how I stay clean and sober a day at a time, turning it over daily, and now drugs and alcohol are a distant memory and they have no power over me.
I'm finally at the stage where I can walk into the liquor store and by smokes (my last remaining addiction). The only place around was the liquor store the one morning, 4 drunks shaking in line at 9 a.m. watching me only getting cigarettes. I'm sitting there almost feeling sick myself remembering those DTs, wondering if I smelled as bad as them when I was drinking a pint of vodka for breakfast just to stop shaking enough to function.
God had to have had a hand in my recovery, I was pretty close to drinking myself to death. I'm truly blessed to wake up in a bed in a home not feeling like shit instead of living in my truck one more stupid decision away from being in prison or pushing a shopping cart to my tent each evening.