“And they’re off in the 2028 Democratic Presidential Derby at the packed old Capitol Downs! Breaking sharply from the inside gate, it’s Pete Buttigieg taking an early lead with that smooth Midwestern stride, hugging the rail and setting a blistering but disciplined pace into the first turn! Right behind him comes Gavin Newsom, the California colt gleaming under the lights, running wide but confidently, trying to make up ground with a flashy move on the outside. He’s got momentum, but Buttigieg isn’t giving him an inch down the backstretch! Here comes Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez charging through the middle of the pack! The crowd is roaring as AOC finds another gear approaching the far turn — a bold, aggressive run from the progressive favorite, threading through traffic with remarkable speed! And don’t count out Josh Shapiro, sitting patiently just off the leaders. The Pennsylvania thoroughbred is keeping a measured pace, waiting for the perfect opening as the frontrunners begin to feel the pressure entering the final stretch! Further back, the rest of the field is scrambling for position — governors jostling elbows with senators, dark-horse candidates trying to mount late rallies — but up front it remains Buttigieg by a length! Into the homestretch they come! Buttigieg still leading! Newsom driving hard on the outside! AOC surging between rivals! Shapiro closing fast with every stride! Four candidates, one finish line, and the nomination hanging in the balance! The crowd is on its feet at Capitol Downs… this one’s going to the wire!”
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And they all pull up lame. They are put down. And the whole democrat paddock is put down for good measure.
Race cancelled 🤣😂🤣