So, meet a retired n.j pike trooper on the way to the dumpster. He was also a teamster trucker, age 76. had a really old car, blasting kid rock tunes. he wanted to talk, so i stood there and listened! Everything you feel, he feels and i feel too. it's o.k. to have feelings. But Know this for sure. God Lives, Jesus is Christ and tomorrow morning I am going to buy a fishing pole. (i pray for your serenity.) :)